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It's a tough situation – watching someone you love adopt an unhealthy lifestyle and feeling it impact your relationship. You're not alone. Many couples face this challenge, and it's understandable to feel concerned, frustrated, and even disconnected. So, what can you do? Let's explore some advice from relationship expert Eric, focusing on communication, attraction, and the reality of change.

The Inevitable Shift: People, Bodies, and Lifestyles Evolve

First, it's crucial to acknowledge a fundamental truth: people change. Our bodies change, our interests change, and our lifestyles often evolve over time. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can create friction if not navigated effectively. The key here isn't to fight the change itself, but to understand it and adapt accordingly. Holding onto an idealized version of your partner or your relationship can breed resentment and disappointment.

Communication is Your Foundation

Open and honest communication is the bedrock of any strong relationship. When your partner's lifestyle is impacting you, it’s essential to address it directly, but with empathy and understanding. Avoid accusatory language. Instead of saying, “You’re always…” or “You never…”, try phrases like, “I’ve noticed…” or “I feel…” For example, instead of “You’re always eating junk food,” you could say, “I’ve noticed a change in your diet, and I’m concerned about your health and how it might affect us.”

Re-evaluating Attraction: Beyond the 'No's

You're questioning your attraction to your boyfriend, and that's valid. However, Eric suggests shifting your focus. Instead of dwelling on what you don't like about the changes, actively look for what does resonate with you. What are the “yeses”? Perhaps your partner has become more driven, more compassionate, or more self-aware. Attraction isn't solely about physical appearance or a specific lifestyle; it’s about the whole package – the person they are, their values, and the connection you share.

Considering the Bigger Picture

It’s important to consider *why* your partner's lifestyle has changed. Are they going through a stressful period? Are they struggling with underlying issues? Understanding the root cause can help you approach the situation with more compassion and potentially offer support. However, remember that you are not responsible for their choices, and you can't force them to change.

Setting Boundaries & Prioritising Your Wellbeing

While empathy is vital, it shouldn't come at the expense of your own wellbeing. If your partner's lifestyle is genuinely detrimental to your health or happiness, it's okay to set boundaries. This might involve limiting your exposure to certain behaviours or having honest conversations about your non-negotiables. Ultimately, you deserve to be in a relationship that supports and enhances your life.

Seeking Professional Help

If you're struggling to navigate this situation on your own, consider seeking professional help. A couples therapist can provide a safe space to explore your concerns, improve communication, and develop coping strategies. They can also help you determine whether the relationship is salvageable and what steps you need to take to move forward.

The Bottom Line: Change is Constant, Connection is Key

Relationships require effort and adaptation. While your partner’s lifestyle changes might be challenging, they don't necessarily have to be relationship-ending. By focusing on open communication, re-evaluating attraction, and prioritising your wellbeing, you can navigate this period with greater clarity and resilience. Remember, the strength of your connection is what truly matters.